Part of me thinks it would be easier if she just left now. An abrupt departure sounds more tolerable than the slow drip of time we are currently experiencing. Can't we just pull the bandage quickly off the wound? As excited as we are for her, there is a cosmic cruelty to this sort of countdown; one that upon completion, finds us driving our heart five hours away to start a new life on her own. It feels like the opposite of giving birth. Where is my precious gift after this long and arduous labor? (I know, the gift is there, it's just not as easy to feel on the departure.) To bring a child into this world is to know love and loss in unimaginable, deeply intimate ways. We know what we've signed up for. And of course, a young adult starting life on their own is not a loss, but a beginning, it’s just that sometimes the lines between the two get blurred.
We’re making piles, getting organized, and injecting money into the economy for dorm room gear; ignoring most of the school provided list, but acknowledging it is probably bad form to not send your child off without cute bedding and one of those mini-fridges. Thankfully we pulled a mini-fridge out of Birdy so no purchase necessary there. She'll need a couple of lamps as well because humanity has yet to figure out that overhead lightening is visually abhorrent if not taxing to the nervous system. Baskets too. Every room needs a few baskets.
Other than that, it’s been a lot goodbyes. Not one for sentiment, or for big send off parties, her goodbyes have been mostly one on one. Lingering. Movies with Jeren, brunch with Emma, dinner with Arielle, and today, Gillette’s Castle with Ciara. There will be one more dinner out with Jeren because this summer they discovered the immense pleasure of a good farm to table restaurant and its perfectly prepared steak selection. Yeah, they wouldn’t mind one more go at that before leaving for two different states. Other than Jeren, these close friends of hers have been just that since they were all four years old. I’m not sure they appreciate how unique that is, and I guess it doesn’t matter, but it sure is nice.
Here at home, in part due to the confining nature of the 95º in the shade type heat we've been having, and in part because good movies have played a significant role in our family story, we’re spinning a few favorites one more time: Inglorious Basterds, Shawshank Redemption, The Big Short, The Godfather Trilogy… you know, nice feel-good wholesome stuff. As for that photo up there? You don’t pay tribute to a beloved female protagonist on birthday morning pancakes unless movies are your thing. They are most definitely her thing. (Well, one of her things.) It’s been a pleasure to connect and make memories through hundreds of movie nights over the years; I greedily hope that life has many more in store.
Anyway. With only nine days to go, we're counting it down and soaking it in. All the while doing a bang up job of ignoring most of the “recommended checklist” for dorm living.